This be the place.
I am spending way too much time in the water. First this fuhgger asks me to deliver a letter to his brother at Ghost Walker Post in Desolace. I'm heading that way anyway to talk to a blacksmith master there anyway, so I say "sure, no problem". Then I get there and the brother says he really misses the taste of bloodbelly fish, and would I mind going to Shadowprey Village and getting him some? Again, I'm a nice guy so I say "yeah, all right". Then I get there and the chief fishing mutherhumper troll won't sell me any, but he'll give them to me if I swim down to his traps on the bottom of the ocean and retrieve his damn shellfish for him. So I go swimming, 'cause I'm a nice guy. You know, there's things down there that bite. Bite hard! Man, am I a sucker. Anyway, I get the damn bottomcrawlers so I get the fish. What a pain.
Next day Bashaen invites me to go for a moonlight dip in a lake in Ashenvale. Now there is no way I'm gonna turn down a chance to see that fine piece of elfflesh with her robe all wet and clingy. Even if I do have to kill some water elementals along the way.
Then I find myself in Stranglethorn Vale, and this sorry ass troll wants me to swim down to the bottom of the lagoon and grab his long-lost family heirloom out of some sunken temple. "If you do it just right," he says, "all those badass murloc guards won't see you and use your guts to floss their gills." Sounds peachy.
So now there's some talk of the guild making a raid on some place called Blackfathom Deeps. Man, I swear, this keeps up I'm gonna have algae growin' in me beard.
Hooked up with Bashaen and Agoresh again. We also joined Bashella, a young Blood Elf warlock. Together, we raided Shadowfang Keep, an old castle in the Silverpines which had been taken over by a nasty psycho mage by the name of Arugal. The place was crawling with worgen and freaky dog things. We were doing pretty good, going from room to room, killing da monsters and grabbing da loot. Then I ran out of arrows, and things got a lot tougher. I got stomped a few times and Bashaen got to practice her resurrection skills. Good thing me and Death are mates. In the end we ended up calling out to Torella for some help. Tor came a-runnin' and stomped Arugal and his remaining pets for us.
Interestingly, when we decided to call Torella, Bashella suddenly remembered a previous engagement and ditched us there in the keep -she wanted to avoid Tor for some reason. I'm thinking it's some sort of love triangle thing; not sure exactly what. Probably involving that troll me met in that bar in Booty Bay that one time, I bet.
So this nutcase Klannoc Macleod, who runs a daycamp for wannabe tough guys on an island off the coast of Ratchet, tells me I should go talk to the troll hermit. Apparently he's got an axe for me. That sounds good. I hike up into the Alterac Mountains north of Tarren Mill and talk to Bath'rah the Windbreaker or Windwatcher or Windsomething, who's even bug-crazier than the last guy. He wants me to go all over the world gathering magic charms and smelly herbs and the tusks of a particular breed of troll, all so he can summon this badass wind elemental which I get to kill for him. Only then do I get this axe. I try telling him that I could get the junk easier if he'd give me the axe first, but he wouldn't go for that. What a jerk.
Anyway, I get the stuff. I go to the Stranglethorn Vale. I go to the Arathi Highlands. I go to the Auction House (I ain't stupid enough to risk my neck if it ain't necessary). Along the way I hooked up with Tarsius, the most experienced warrior in our guild. Between the two of us we made short work of that elemental, and then I finally got the axe. Man, is it righteous. I ran all the way back to Hillsbrad Fields to show it to the farmers there. They were all real impressed. They didn't actually say so, 'cause they were busy screaming and running, but I could tell they all thought it was pretty wicked.
Looking forward to showing it to the rest of the world.
The other day a heard from Torella, a major player in our guild. You remember Tor. She's the Tauren I saw passed out on her kodo a few weeks ago. Anyway, she was getting ready to take down the Scarlet Monastery, a major base of those Scarlet Crusade yahoos. I'm no fan of the undead, but those SC guys are majorly whacked out. So she wants to know if I'd like to come along, get some experience in a place that'd be too serious for me on me own, and get some major league loot for my time.
Sure, I says.
So we hit the place and she methodically goes from hall to hall, slaughtering everything. My job is primarily to stay out of her way and scoop all the loot into a wheelbarrow. Not very heroic. Sometimes I went after one of the scarlet fuhgers, but most of the time they ignored me and went after Tor. I guess they figured she was the more dangerous of us. Which was of course true, but still. I mean, I've got my pride. Near the end a pair of warlocks from our guild, Otto and Verennie, joined us. At that point things really went fast, with blueberries slamming into things and fire raining down through the ceiling and scarlet corpses everywhere.
So anyway when it was all said and done I
did score some major junk. Mr High-and-Mighty Scarlet Commander
Mograine was kind enough to hand over his very nice shield, and Herod the Scarlet Champion said I should have his helm and his big fuhggin' axe.
Well, he didn't really say that, but he didn't say I couldn't, either.
Really looking forward to trying out the special whirligig move I saw
him pull with it. I even got that bitch High Inquisitor Whitemane's
hat. Excuse me, her chapeau.
Won't do much to keep my skull intact, but it's gonna be fun to put on
at parties. A lot of the stuff didn't fit too good, so I had to send it
back to Orgrimmar to get adjusted. Should be ready in a week or two. In
addition to all the hardware I got a ton of cash. Pretty much worth
sacrificing my dignity and staying out of the way for an hour. Pretty
much.
Everything's going crazy with Valentine's Day coming up.Little green cupids flittering around. Innkeepers passing out heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. The other day I'm hanging out outside the Undercity, minding my own business, when *poof*! Some mage runs past me and the next thing I know there's this shower of rose petals falling on me. Lasted about three minutes. The nerve of some people. If you're gonna throw magical falling things at people, at least make it something more practical and appropriate for the season. Like condoms.
Our eyes met only for a second, but I could tell. She wanted me. She wanted me real bad.
And then the zeppelin arrived and the moment was gone forever.
Apparently you can skin a Yeti. Huh.
