Working on the Netherwing Ledge is very different from how it was up in Blades Edge. Back there, you could tell the good guys (orcs and gnomes and spacegoats flitting about on wyverns and gryphons) from the bad guys (demons on the ground shooting up at us). But here, I be Under Cover. Remeber how everybody in Outland thinks he's a master of disguise, and they all wanna dress me up? Well, we're at it again. This time at least I get to look like an orc - one of them Dragonmaw types, red skin and big tusks and spines comin' out me back.
So, the way that under cover thing works is I gotta help the Dragonmaw Dudes while at the same time causing mischief when nobody's looking. So on the one hand I'm helping out in the mine and helping'em fight demons, but on the other hand I be sabotaging. Saubotaging. Saboutigang. However da fuhg ya spell it. You know what I mean.
There's this goblin mercenary in the Dragonmaw camp who's my contact on the inside. Every day he gives me some mutton to take to the peons work around the Ledge. But first (this is the saboutaginging part) I smear it with glands from fel boars and fel lizards and other fel critters. Them peons get all excited to see the food, they take a few bites, then they keel over. Sucks to be them. I'd be happy to do'em all, but the goblin says just do a dozen a so a day so as to not arouse too much suspicion. (Can't tell ya his name, it'd blow his cover. Let's just say it starts with "Y" and rhymes with Zarzill.)
Now, I got no problem doin' this. After all, they is just peons. Not like anybody's gonna miss'em. Well, maybe their mums, but not too much. But I figure this has gotta give them Alliance paladins (yeah, there's some of them workin' Under Cover on the ledge too) one of them whatchcallits, ethical dilemmas. Poison jus' ain't what a servant of da Light is supposed to be doin', but they need the pay just as bad as I do. Oh well. Sucks to be them.
Teach an orc to fish, he is less likely to burn your village, plunder your shiny objects, and ride off with your cattle and wimmenfolk.
All through me travels, I've seen people fishing. At the beach in Durotar. Off the docks at Booty Bay. In the streams of Terrokar Forest. Even in the sewers of Undercity (blech!). And I've always thought, ya know, that looks pretty relaxing. And ya can eat the fish too! But I had places to go and people who wouldn't pay me ta kill, so there was never any time.
But the world has slowed down a tad. Yeah, there's still fighting here and there, but mostly the evildoers and nonpayers is deep in dungeons or floating castles and ya just can't go busting into them places every day. So I gots time. I head into Orgrimmar and buy a fishing pole and start fishing.
I don't catch nuthin'.
So I goes to the trainer. "'Scuse me, Lumak, but yer fish is broken."
"What? No! You dumb orc! You no swing pole like it an axe!"
"But how else do I get'em to stop moving if I don't hit them? Works for everything else ..."
"You bad fisherman. Here. Let Lumak show."
Well, he showed me how to attach a shiny bauble to me line and how to cast and how to real'em in. Most of the little fishies got away at first, but as I kept at it it got easier. Pretty soon I had a big pile of catfish and mudsnappers and whatnot. You know what? They taste like crap. But now that I know how to fish better I'm gonna go over to Booty Bay and pick up a copy of Old Man Heming's book. It's supposed to help you catch the better tasting, more filling fishies.
Them damn pesky nagas was still up to mischief in the Coilfang Reservoir, and the Treehugger Expedition needed some blame fools hearty adventurers to go clear out the Steamvault. In particular they was wantin' Warlord Kalithresh taken out. So in we goes.
In addition to me it was Zinzi (who gives good resurrection), Throttle the room-temperature timker, and the hunter twins Aelion (who has miraculously recovered the use of his eye) and Bullvyne (who still got no depth perception). We hit the place with all kinds of crowd-control, sapping and trapping and more trapping and more trapping. Made me job easy, I tell ya. We took out a little goblin driving a big fuhggin mechano-walker name of Mekgineer Steamwalker, and in the wreckage I found this nifty piece o' joolery.
Then we took on Hydromancer Thespia, and she were a real bitch and a half. Had these two water elementals with her, and those pesky things could rumble through our two hunters traps like they wasn't there, which made the fight lots more of a pain. With lightning bolts. We all got stomped pretty good, but in the end we did her right and proper. We needs ta figger out how to fight elementals better. They's always givin' us trouble.
After that we cleared out some more naga minions and then we reached the Warlord hisself. He had a bunch of magic fishtanks. I didn't quite understand what the deal with them was (I can't be bothered to keep track of the details) but from time to time they'd all yell at "Ratter! Go hit the fishtank!" and we'd bang on it 'til it smashed. Then they'd say "Ratter! Go hit the warlord!" and I'd go hit his snakiness some more. We kept that up until he was dead.
So afterwards the Treehuggers gave us each a shiny new helmet as a reward (plus gold!). I got me the Myrmidon's Headress, which is a pretty nice brainbucket. It's got a socket for a meta gem, which I don't know nuthin' about. Gonna have to do some research. I also got my rep up high enough that the quartermaster was willing to sell me some cool junk. I bought this and this and this and this and this. I's a happy orc.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrh.
And remember - dead goblins tell no tales.
Big thanks to friend-of-the-guild Dark for making it so quick after I sent him all the khorium and adamantite and felsteel and primal fire and primal air. You're a class guy, Dark. Unlike our resident tinker who's too damn busy getting pickled in the formaldehyde parlors to get off his bony butt and get his skill up and farm primal nethers.
Now, I admits I couldn't hit water if I was standing in a lake, but it don't matter none. As lomg as the bad guy knows he's being shot at, he's gonna come fight me, where I can hit him with my axe. And when this heavy-duty, loud-as-Mannoroth boomstick goes Ka-Blam! they know they being shot at.
I think I shall call it "Amy."
The Purge went back to Mechanar last night, to settle some Unfinished Business. We had Zinzi (who gives good resurrection), Bull and Aelion the one-eyed hunters, room-temperature Throttle, and yours truly as the heavy. Final score?
Mr. Roboto: Dead
Red-Headed Aggro-Wiping Bitch: Dead
Obsessive Schedule-Keeping Math Dude: Dead
And with that, the Purge succeeded in clearing out the most dangerous dungeon we have yet faced as a team. Yay on us. No Jade-Skull Breastplate for me, but Bullvyne got hisself a nice cloak and Throttle picked up a nice set of throwing knives. And Aelion finally learned what the fuhg "Wait for sunders" means.
I figure, since I got this new flying mount maybe I'll take some time and do a little exploring. Here's some stuff I found:
Doom Lord Kazzak used to hang out in the Blasted Lands in Azeroth, back when he was just plain old Lord Kazzak. I hear sometimes he'd get bored and run up to Stormwind and have hisself one hell of a night on the town. Anywho, when the Black Portal opened up earlier this year he gave himself a promotion and set up camp on the Hellfire Peninsula. He's up on this plateau north of Thrallmar with a whole bunch o' elite demons runnin' around doin' his whims. Even has a couple of buffed up Fel Reavers for bodyguards.
So, while I was there, did I walk up to Mr Doom Lord and give him a chance to show me what he was really made of?
Bfffft. Bugger that. I took a picture and then skeedaddled.
Now, I know you's thinking "What a noble woman to dedicate her life to the care and upbringing of these littlest victims of the wars." But I calls shennanigans. I know trolls. I hang with Rimunathah and Zinzi, and I know how they minds work. She's looking at those baby tauren and thinking to herself "Mmmmmm. Veal!"
There was some young human kiddos runnin' around there. You know, there's good eating on one of those. Wonder if there'll be room for one more at the table ...
Goal and Priority Number the Four: Get in tight with the new age hippy ogres in Ogri'la.
Done it. I is the orc what saved Ogri'la. I been bombing the forge camps to the north and south back to the stone age. I've been "attuning the crystals". I've wiped out an entire legion o' demons. I've wrangled up a whole herd of aether rays for the Skyguard so they can help the ogres too. I even got Torkus Junior into the Skyguard (ever see a ogre try to ray a nether ray? It ain't too purdy.). Along the way I've been shot down, burned up, stabbed, stomped, and got my face melted.
And the ogres, they appreciate my efforts. When I walk down the streets of Ogri'la, I can hear'em talk about me - "Look! There goes Ratshag. What a hero!" The peacekeepers at the gates give me a big slap on the back when I walk in, usually knocking me to the ground and giving me a mouthful of dirt, but they mean well. And the women? They throw themselves at me (and let me tell ya, when you can satisfy a new age hippy ogre chick four times your height all night long, you is Da Orc!).
So I goes to talk to Jho'nass the quartermaster. "Jho'nass, my ogre! Lemme take that wicked crossbow and those boots of butt-kicking off your hands."
"Sure thing, Mr. Ratshag. I just need eight Apexis Crystals and two-hundred Apexis Shards."
"Here's, I dunno, like two-thousand Apexis Shards. Keep the change."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Ratshag, but I also need eight Apexis Crystals. You're a big hero and saved our huge collective ass, but I am running a business and I do need to make a profit. I'm sure you understand."
I'm sure I don't. To get these crystals I gots to summon big honkin' boss demons to Ogri'la, then kill'em. This after I just spent two frickin' months trying to exterminate every dang demon on the plateau. And to make it extra jolly, these demons is tough fuggermumpers - too tough for even me to handle on me own. So I gotta pay/bribe/cajole some suckers to help me do the job, just so I can get me bow and boots.
This blows.
I oughtta go talk to Aelion. The cheeky little elf probably wouldn't
mind getting in on some of that new age hippy ogre chick action. He
could even bring his gorilla.
Time to start seriously mining and killing elementals again ...
