4 posts tagged “aldor”

Hauled me green butt up to Revered with the Aldorks this weekend. Goal and priority Number the One. Means I got to buy their heavy-duty can opener-resistant chestpiece. I pulled out all the stops and paid a tailor to stitch me up a Cloak of Eternity as well, and got Zinzi to do her enchanting mojo. All together, my tanking kit gives me the following (unbuffed) data:

Health: 13k
Armor: 12.3k
Defense: 522

Is not bad, I think. There's enough wiggle room there that I could swap out some gems for +hit ones, to help with aggro generation. Some other day.

Man, I really look like a fuhggin' armored clown, don't I. /sigh

Shplort!

That's the sound of 1344 dreadfang venom sacs being dropped on the floor in front of Sha'nir, the Draineinaena what runs the Center for Refugees Too Dumb To Not Go Out in the Woods And Get Bit By Spiders. "Oh, my" she says, awe-struck by my generosities and rugged good looks. "This may take a while."

Yeah, no lie. All the sacs had to be counted and but into boxes eight at a time and labeled and dated and whatnot. I said they should just take me word for it that they was all there, but her assistant said he weren't sure orcs could count that high. Bigot.

It took near an hour, but when it were done she reported up to her bosses on the Aldor Rise what a fine upstanding citizen I was and that therefores they shouldn't attack me on sight no more. Then she tooks me into the back room and gave me a more personal welcome to the Aldor community. I found out she sounds like a chipmunk when she's real excited, and she found out once you go orc you never go ... well, whatever. You just don't.

What you say? Screen capture or it didn't happen? Fine, you mistrustful buggers. Here it is:

So here's how it happened, see. The other day I'm spending some time at the inn in Area 52 with this Dreana ... Drienai ... Drainae ... ah, bugger it. With this spacegoat chick. It's not what you think. Well, yeah, okay it was. You know, she didn't smell much like a goat, and she could do this thing with her horns ... but I digress. Point is, afterwards I was checking out her armor and I was really impressed with her Vindicator's Hauberk. I could really use one of these, I says to meself. I should go get me one.

Problem is, you gots to be in tight with the Aldorks to get one of these, and right now they hate me guts 'cause I'm all exalted-like with the Scrybabies. Ermmm. Turns out there's a pressing need for dreadfang venom sacs at the Shattrath Infirmary, what with all the careless refugees gettin' bit by them dreadfang spiders out in the woods. The Aldorks respect healin' refugees and other losers, so if you donate enough venom sacs they'll stop hating you. They still won't like you, but at least then you can go through the normal procedures of givining 'em shiny trinkets 'til they does.

How many sacs? I had to get me friend Rim to help me with the math. He's a mage and knows all that arcane fuggery. Anyhow, comes out to 1344 venom sacs, or more than 4000 spiders, cause lots of times the sac be empty by the time they dead.

Oh, crap.

That's gonna take a while, even for a killing machine like meself. But, I wants that hauberk, so I's gonna do it. If you hears the Horseman's Helm of Evil Laughter somewhere out in Terokkar Forest, that'll be me. Killin' spiders.

It ain't no big secret that Azeroth ain't got nobody in charge, but a whole bunch o' buggers what want to be. You got yourself the Horde (which has issues of its own with both the deaders and Blood Elves both waiting for an opportunity to bump off the noble and honorable orcs and trolls and tree-huggin' bovines). And then you got the Alliance fuhggers. Goblins seem to be happy being neutral, but they may just be waiting for the H and the A to mutually destruct. And then there's all the wannabes, too small to rule the world but desparately dangling baubles to try to get us to do their dirty work for them. "Go kill a freaking huge bunch of our dread enemy, the deaders/bugs/demons, for us and will deign to sell this shiny belt." Bah.

So I'm glad to get to Outland and escape all that fuhggin power play politics. Heh! Silly me. I get to Shattrath City and almost immediately I got agents from two different sets of buggers, the Aldorks and the Scrybabies, both saying I wasn't worth their notice but if I would scrape and bow and by the way bring in a sack full of the ears (or noses or foreskins) of whoever they really don't like then maybe I could be in the club anyway.

An unstable affliction on both their houses. Stupid buggers.

Although some of the stuff their offering does look pretty sweet ...