3 posts tagged “gnome”
After a bit she says to me "Rats, I gotta favor to ask of you. We got this bright young prospect of a warrior for this Warsong Gulch clan I help out with, but he needs an RL sponsor and all me friends are full up. Now, I know you're a Hordie and all, but would you be willing to consider it?"
Now, I knows what yer thinking. Horde vs. Alliance. Warcraft. Eternal Struggle. Death to the enemy. No mercy. Be ruthless. And all that. Here's me response. Warsong Gulch ain't some epic struggle for the fate of the universe, it's a trade dispute. And the Warsong Outriders ain't really part of the Horde. Plus, I've always thought they was a buncha ninnies.
So I says to her, "Yeah, maybe. Tell me about him."
"Okay, he's a Night Elf. Name's Dakoneris. His hair's kind of a mess, and his ears do that annoying boingy-boingy thing when he runs, but it doesn't really matter since I'm a gnome and can't see that high up anyway. He's got great legs, though, and his ass *giggle* is sooo cute. I mean, *blush* I could just ... But that's not really what you are asking about, is it?"
I shakes me head slowly, all patient-like. Gotta be patient with them bouncy gnomes.
"All right. He's a warrior, like you, but only in his tenth season. Not as strong as you, of course, but a little quicker maybe. And since he's an elf, he can do that whole shadowmeld-charge-the-unsuspecting ambush thing, which is uber-cool. He doesn't have a pot to piss in yet, but that's what twinking is for."
"About that," I says. "How can I twink him if he's Alliance, and on your server to boot?"
"Oh, don't worry - I'll take care of it. Hee-hee. I'm gonna run his sexy little butt through low level dungeons till his eyes bleed."
Some might consider this to be all metaphorical and whatnot, but I knows Hydra. She is an almost evil warlock. I pity the poor young night elf. On the other hand, just 'cause the Outriders is ninnies don't mean things gotta be easy for they's opponents neither.
So I agrees to be this young elf's RL sponsor. We shall see how this thing shakes out, now, won't we? No matter what, I expect Hydra's gonna have her some fun.
The other day I's in that great cosmopolitan melting-pot / cesspool Shattrath City, checkin' me mail and minding me own business. When this little gnome runs up and laughs at me. Now, I knows gnomes is an uneducated folk and generally don't speak civilized languages like orcish, so I don't waste time politely inquiring what the fuhg her problem is. Instead I just goes back to reading me mail.
And then she poked me. Hey! And laughed at me again. At this point I's thinking this little gnome is begging to be punted off the Tier and into the Lower City with the refugees and other vermin and losers. (This would be the political crisis part, 'cause they frown on that sort of thing in Shat, even on the Scryer's Tier). But just as I start to grabs for her, the light bulb goes off in me head. She wants it, I realize. She wants it bad. And I's just the orc to gives it to her.
So I throws back me head, flings out me arms, and gives it to her. "Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!" goes the Helm of Evil Laughter. The little gnome shrieks with delight, jumping up and down and cheering. Then I goes back to me mail and she goes off to do whatever it be that happy little gnomettes do.
So Rim and I are hangin' out one afternoon, enjoying his latest care package from Sen'jin Village, when he says all out out of the blue, "Hey Ratter, mon, you can make de armor, right?"
"Sure, Rim, but I thought you fireball-chuckers didn't care to be all clanky."
"It not for me, mon. My green-haired coz, Wrewdie, he be needin' some new plating. He say his mithril coat got all tarnished and such in Stranglethorn."
"Well, then you come to the right place. I can bang out a troll-sized set of imperial plate first thing tomorrow."
"That be righteous, mon, but one thing. He ain't a troll. Wrewdie be a gnome."
"Thought you said he was your cousin."
"He is."
"Okay, I'm confused..."
"Relax, mon. Don' tink too hard - you kill da buzz."
I don't understand trolls. Not at all. But the next day I fire up the forge and put together a nice set of pint-sized imperial plate armor. Then I flew over to Gadgetzan and hooked up with the little guy. And do I mean little. Bugger makes dwarves look tall. Now he didn't speak orcish, and I don't speak gibberish, but gold is gold and thorium is thorium, and we managed to make the deal go down in spite of his lack of proper education.
Yeah, I know gnomes is supposed to be the enemy, part of the evil Alliance, blah, blah, blah. But the little bugger's my friend's cousin, and that's that.
