I
was doing one of them undercover jobs to get in close with the
Dragonmaw so's I could secretly help the Netherwingies. Job was to fly
out to the Twilight Portal in Nagrand and kill a bunch of the Deathshadow Agents
what was working to open the portal. Since these guys is Burning Legion
types, I'm helping out the good guys too by doing this, so it's a good.
Anywho, this here picture's got me going up against a Deathshadow
Archon. Now, I wouldn't expects a twelve-foot gray demon-orc woman to
be the sort to go around to the inns of Azeroth and politely say "Trick
or treat" to the innkeepers in the hopes of getting some candy. But
apparently she were planning on doing just that later, 'cause after I
did for the wench I founds this in her pocket. Lucky me. Sucked to be her.
9 posts tagged “loot”
Hauled me green butt up to Revered with the Aldorks this weekend. Goal and priority Number the One. Means I got to buy their heavy-duty can opener-resistant chestpiece. I pulled out all the stops and paid a tailor to stitch me up a Cloak of Eternity as well, and got Zinzi to do her enchanting mojo. All together, my tanking kit gives me the following (unbuffed) data:
Health: 13k
Armor: 12.3k
Defense: 522
Is not bad, I think. There's enough wiggle room there that I could swap out some gems for +hit ones, to help with aggro generation. Some other day.
Man, I really look like a fuhggin' armored clown, don't I. /sigh
... lessen of course you can.
For those you what ain't been paying atttention, I recently switch Shattrath factions from Scrybabies to Aldorks. All so's I can get me this. Now try to keep up.
I pulled out me Retainer's Blade the other day , the dagger what you gotta be all exalted with the Scrybabies to buy. And the little bugger lets out a shriek. "Traitorous bastard!" it yells at me. "You lousy traitor!" I tell ya, I ain't used to me gear talkin', let alone slandering me good reputation. Startled, I dropped it on the ground, where it began floppin' around like a fish outta water, screaming out words so bad even I's embarrassed to repeat them. It must've overheated or something, 'cause after a bit there was smoke coming off it, and then it kinda melted. At which point it stopped floppin' and screamin'. I looked down at it and said to meself, well, there goes two hundred gold.
After that, there weren't no way I was gonna try equipping me Gauntlets of the Chosen. Muggernuggers probably woulda bit me fingers off. Straight to the vendor they went.
However, all is not lost. I still knows how to make the enchanted adamantite armor I learned from those buggers. And the enchants on me shoulders, both the tanking and the killing sets, seem to be in full force. So I guesses if you buy something and then switches out, it's a goner. But if you buy a thing what enchants yer gear or brain, then yer okay.
Oh crap! I've still got a Scrybaby tabard hanging in me closet. I better get it out of there before it spontaneously combustifies or something.
Last night in the Black Morass the Legplates of the Bold
dropped off of Aeonus. Presumably he kept'em around for when he
transmorgified into human form, since no way they'd fit on a forty-foot
dragon. Anywho, they goes nice with me Shoulderguards of the Bold which I got from Murmur in Shadow Lab (who didn't have no shoulders, so buggered if I know what he was doin' with'em) and me Gauntlets of the Bold which I took off of Warlord Fishface in the Steamvault (who at least had hands). Still missing is the Warhelm of the Bold and the Breastplate of the Bold, both of which was last seen in various corners of Tempest Keep. But I ain't seen either of those yet.
The shoulders was a clear upgrade from me old Warchief's Mantle, so I slapped some Solid Stars of Elune in'em and a Greater Inscription of the Knight and they's me tanking shoulders. So far so good. But then it gets tricky. Compared to me Felsteel Gloves, the Bolds got more stamina but less armor. Since I's got plenty of health but I'm pushin' to get me armor up to 12k, I tank in the felsteel and bank the bold. But as gear changes I may find meself in the opposite position, so I ain't vending nuthin'. Then me Legguards of the Resolute Defender got better avoidance the the Bolds but less strength, which be useful fer generating the threatifications. At the moments I ain't having no troubles holding aggro, so I'm tanking in the Resolutes and banking the Bolds, but this may change. Arrgh. I's just a simple orc, and having to keep track of all this mathifying be giving me headaches.
Bugger it. I'm gonna go kill something. And its offspring. And drink some beer.
This happened a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't write about it then, 'cause I'm writing about it now.
As I has already mentioned, me dad beat the importance of havings Goals and Prioities into me at an early age. Usually with a big club or a quillboar femur. Havings accomplished all of me earlier Goals and Priorites, it seriously be time to write down me some new ones. So here they is.
Number the One. Get all friendly with the Aldorks so's I can get some nifty chest armor. At the moments I got a little over 500 Dreadfang venom sacs, which ain't even halfway to what I needs just to get back to being on speaking terms with'em. Lots of work to go there.
Number the Two. Forge meself a nice two-handed axe likes the Lunar Crescent. This ways I ain't gotta be tempted every time some junky two-hander drops in a dungeon. I'll be ables to say "I passes. Let the hunters squabble fer it, or let it be DE'd. For the enlightened ogres of Ogri'la have taught me to rise above the desire for material objects." And everyone'll be all impressed with me purity and spiritual goodness.
Number the Three. Help the Keepers of Time stop the evil Infinte Dragonflight froms killing Medivh befores he can open the Black Portal. This would be really terrible, 'cause then the humans and dwarves and elves would be all killing theyselves and civil warring while us orcs would have to stay in Outland, overlording over the Draeininannienaes and beating our peons and setting up our own kingdoms where we can do whatevers we wants and be really rich and ... uh ... it'd be bad ... ummm. Bugger. It'd be bad 'cause Medivh wouldn't give me the key to go to his Kara tower in the here and now and get all the cool loot he left there. There.
Number the Four. Do some more good deeds for the Keepers of Time so's they'll really like me and sell me the righteous tanking pants and helmet spell
they keep in the gift shop at the Caverns of Go-Back-in-Time. And maybe
a t-shirt what says "I went back in time and saved the universe and all
I got was this lousy T-shirt". That'd be cool.
Number the Five. Go back to the Botanica and do for Warp Splinter. Me and Mr. Crazy Tree gots unfinished business.
So. There they be. Time to gets back to work.
So here's how it happened, see. The other day I'm spending some time at the inn in Area 52 with this Dreana ... Drienai ... Drainae ... ah, bugger it. With this spacegoat chick. It's not what you think. Well, yeah, okay it was. You know, she didn't smell much like a goat, and she could do this thing with her horns ... but I digress. Point is, afterwards I was checking out her armor and I was really impressed with her Vindicator's Hauberk. I could really use one of these, I says to meself. I should go get me one.
Problem is, you gots to be in tight with the Aldorks to get one of these, and right now they hate me guts 'cause I'm all exalted-like with the Scrybabies. Ermmm. Turns out there's a pressing need for dreadfang venom sacs at the Shattrath Infirmary, what with all the careless refugees gettin' bit by them dreadfang spiders out in the woods. The Aldorks respect healin' refugees and other losers, so if you donate enough venom sacs they'll stop hating you. They still won't like you, but at least then you can go through the normal procedures of givining 'em shiny trinkets 'til they does.
How many sacs? I had to get me friend Rim to help me with the math. He's a mage and knows all that arcane fuggery. Anyhow, comes out to 1344 venom sacs, or more than 4000 spiders, cause lots of times the sac be empty by the time they dead.
Oh, crap.
That's gonna take a while, even for a killing machine like meself. But, I wants that hauberk, so I's gonna do it. If you hears the Horseman's Helm of Evil Laughter somewhere out in Terokkar Forest, that'll be me. Killin' spiders.
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
There's a story behinds it and everything.
So I's hanging out at the Scarlet Monastery, looking for some
Then this Forsaken warrior comes by. He's also protection specced, and we lament together about how all finger-wigglers and backstabbers got they flashy rings and now they won't stick around to help out the tanks who wants our Helm of Evil Laughter. And he pulls out his pony keg and we each have a beer or sheven. And we talksh more about how unloved we ish ...hic! and then the beer ran out and he shtarted to cry on me shhoulder. But I shaid not to worry Friend A and I *hic* pullsh out me own pony keg.
Sho we're shtarting to feel a little better and then a paladin comes by looking to join a group and maybe get the Helm of Evil Laughter for hisshelf. And then there's a hunter ... hic! And then we find another warrior, a pvp specialisht this time, and by now Friend A and I is starting to sober up so into the graveyard we goes.
Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Well we summons Mr Headless. Friend A tanked him, I laid into him with me axe-and-dagger, lots of fury, subtlety is for the weak gear, the others did their jobs and down he goes. And we loot the body and get a mage ring.
Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
So another of our intrepid band pulls out a candle, we summons again, and again we puts him down. We loot the body, and its the rogue ring, which I already gots. Summon again, and another ring nobody wants. A fourth time, and we goes to loot the body, and there it be. Ooooh ..... The Helm of Evil Laughter. And four of us wants it. We rolls. I gets a 92. It is mine. Mine I tell you! All mine!
Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
We got one candle left for to do the summoning. I could puts the helm on, but I figured it'd be bad form in front of me brothers-in-arms, so I leaves it in me bag. We summons, we kills, we gets a ring of healing. No more candles, no more Horseman. Everybody says thanks, it was fun, I gotta go, bye. And then it's just me and me new friend in the middle of the graveyard. I pull out me pony keg and we have a few drinks. A ghost impudently floats up and rudely tries to start something, so I smack it into oblivion.
"Go on," he says. "Put it on."
So I reaches into me pack, pulls it out, takes off me Ragesteel Helmet, and puts on the Helm of Evil Laughter. I can feel its power surging into me veins. I tilt my head back to look into the starry night, fling out my arms, and let loose:
Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Friend A cheered. It was glorious. Every warrior in Azeroth would give his left nut and both of his buddy's to have that helm, and it was mine, all mine!
The beer went flat. It got cold. There was nothing left but to head out. I wished me new friend well, and told him not to hesitate if'n he needed anyone else to summon the horseman again. We said goodbye, and I hearthed back to the inn at Shattrath.
Zinzi and me and some other hearty souls trekked into the graveyard last night and summoned the Headless Horseman. He's a tough nuggerfumper, I tell ya, but we put him down in the end. I was hoping I could get his kick-ass helmet for meself, but it were too damaged to wear. I did get this nifty ring, though.
Apparently the Horseman can be summoned every night. Sumthin' to do with the mystic harmonics of Hallow's End, or somesuch. I can't be bothered to remember the details. Means I'll be getting more tries to pull his pumpkin helmet off though, which is fine by me.
The Purge went back to Mechanar last night, to settle some Unfinished Business. We had Zinzi (who gives good resurrection), Bull and Aelion the one-eyed hunters, room-temperature Throttle, and yours truly as the heavy. Final score?
Mr. Roboto: Dead
Red-Headed Aggro-Wiping Bitch: Dead
Obsessive Schedule-Keeping Math Dude: Dead
And with that, the Purge succeeded in clearing out the most dangerous dungeon we have yet faced as a team. Yay on us. No Jade-Skull Breastplate for me, but Bullvyne got hisself a nice cloak and Throttle picked up a nice set of throwing knives. And Aelion finally learned what the fuhg "Wait for sunders" means.
