7 posts tagged “outland”
I figure, since I got this new flying mount maybe I'll take some time and do a little exploring. Here's some stuff I found:
Doom Lord Kazzak used to hang out in the Blasted Lands in Azeroth, back when he was just plain old Lord Kazzak. I hear sometimes he'd get bored and run up to Stormwind and have hisself one hell of a night on the town. Anywho, when the Black Portal opened up earlier this year he gave himself a promotion and set up camp on the Hellfire Peninsula. He's up on this plateau north of Thrallmar with a whole bunch o' elite demons runnin' around doin' his whims. Even has a couple of buffed up Fel Reavers for bodyguards.
So, while I was there, did I walk up to Mr Doom Lord and give him a chance to show me what he was really made of?
Bfffft. Bugger that. I took a picture and then skeedaddled.
Now, I know you's thinking "What a noble woman to dedicate her life to the care and upbringing of these littlest victims of the wars." But I calls shennanigans. I know trolls. I hang with Rimunathah and Zinzi, and I know how they minds work. She's looking at those baby tauren and thinking to herself "Mmmmmm. Veal!"
There was some young human kiddos runnin' around there. You know, there's good eating on one of those. Wonder if there'll be room for one more at the table ...
Anywho, the fact that I'm holding this purple-glowing piece of slicey-dicey means that I have now achieved Priority Number the Two: getting tight with the space mummies. Well done, me. Also means I'm gonna get a bigger and nicer pile of uncut gems in my monthly payment.
Something like three thousand ogres had to die so that i could get this dagger, but I'm sure they would agree that it was worth it.
"But Ratshag," you sez. "Ain't she trying to eviscerate the snot outta you with those swords and daggers while dropping flaming meteorites on your thick skull? Not to mention being 50 feet tall?"
Icing on the cake, my friend. Icing on the cake.
Got together with my friends at a bar in Shattrath City last night and we compared notes on which particularly nasty fuhggers we'd been requested to take out. Turned out there was a lot of overlap, and the rewards for doing the jobs were pretty tempting, so we said to ourselves, "Selves, lets do some teamwork and do the jobs quick and get paid!" Damn straight.
There was five of us all together - Tarsius the cranky Tauren, Zinzi who gives good resurrection, Throttle, looking sharp after a recent trip to the taxidermist, yours truly, and new-kid-on-the-block Aelion, the first Blood Elf to make it to the guild's A-Team. Plus Aelion's big kitty, named Fluffy or Snuggles or Lovies or something like that. I can't be bothered to keep track of all the details.
So we saddled up and headed out to do some serious smiting and gouging and slamming and biting. And when the dust settled we had done for the following sorry-assed buggers:
Demos, Overseer of Hate
Xircos, Overseer of Fear
Durn the Hungerer
Dimensius the All-Devouring
Nexus-King Salhadaar
Socrether, Who Did Not Get an Impressive Title But Was Still a Tough Whuggerfumper
I picked up somme 200 gold pieces for the bounties, and there was still
time to go back to Shattrath and provide some tender comfort to a belf
chickie who's boyfriend had been assigned to Mana Forge Ultris and
ain't been heard from since. A most successful evening.
It ain't no big secret that Azeroth ain't got nobody in charge, but a whole bunch o' buggers what want to be. You got yourself the Horde (which has issues of its own with both the deaders and Blood Elves both waiting for an opportunity to bump off the noble and honorable orcs and trolls and tree-huggin' bovines). And then you got the Alliance fuhggers. Goblins seem to be happy being neutral, but they may just be waiting for the H and the A to mutually destruct. And then there's all the wannabes, too small to rule the world but desparately dangling baubles to try to get us to do their dirty work for them. "Go kill a freaking huge bunch of our dread enemy, the deaders/bugs/demons, for us and will deign to sell this shiny belt." Bah.
So I'm glad to get to Outland and escape all that fuhggin power play politics. Heh! Silly me. I get to Shattrath City and almost immediately I got agents from two different sets of buggers, the Aldorks and the Scrybabies, both saying I wasn't worth their notice but if I would scrape and bow and by the way bring in a sack full of the ears (or noses or foreskins) of whoever they really don't like then maybe I could be in the club anyway.
An unstable affliction on both their houses. Stupid buggers.
Although some of the stuff their offering does look pretty sweet ...
Well, I went back to the Blasted Lands last week, and this time Warlord Dar'toon hisself says to me "Thank the unholies you're here, Ratshag! Those buggers out on the Hellfire Peninsula have gone and got themselves seriously screwed. They let the demons set up their Fel Cannons on the high ground overlooking Thrallmar, Spinebreaker Post is cut off and can only be supplied by wyverns, and who nows what those pretty-boy Blood Elves are fartin' around with over at Falcon Watch. I need a lad who knows how to do the job proper to get his butt over there and start straightening that fuhggin' mess out, 'cause there sure ain't anyone there now who can do the job!"
So through the Portal I went, with orders to report to Lieutenant General Orion.
For the past week I've been kicking major demon and fel orc ass,
working to tidy up the battlefield and bring the Peninsula under the
dominion of the Horde (with a bit of help from the boys and girls of my
guild). I've busted up the portals where the demons were getting their
muggerfumping reinforcements from, knocked out the cannons overlooking
Thrallmar, and seriously attritted the Bonechewer and Bleeding Hollow
orc tribes, clearing a path from Thrallmar to Spinebreaker Post. Last
night me and some trusty lads cleared the ramparts of the Hellfire
Citadel, main base of the fel orcs, taking out a tough fugger name of
Gargolmar and his pet dragon and clearing the way for our forces to
storm the Citadel itself.
I've got a lot of miles under my Ornate Mithril Boots at this point, but when I go the Dark Portal to check out Outland, the sentries there say "Sorry, kid, you ain't ready. Come back when you've got a bigger pair." Wankers.
So I get in touch with Rimunathah, who's a pretty decent chap for a troll - and a clothie at that - and say "Hey! Rim! Be a pal and sneak me in the back door." And he says "No problem, mon." And next thing I know, he's teleported me to Shattrath City. Once there we hooked up with a bunch of my buds from the guild - Tarsius and Bullvyne and Zinzi and Ungarosh, who I ain't seen since I was a little orcling fumbling my way around Durotar. Also got to meet some new faces, like Furorhoof the shammy and Throttle the rogue. Excuse me, Throttle the tinker.
Well, we saddled up and headed out across the countryside, killing them things what needed to be killed. I tell ya, them beasties in the Outland is a tough bunch of bunnyhuggers. Fast and tough and packing a mean punch. Okay, so maybe the guys back at the Dark Portal had a point. They're still a bunch of wankers, though. Couple times (or maybe 6 or 7) one of them fuhgers would put one too many hits on my ass and I'd go down like a Booty Bay whore. But Zinzi was there and she'd do her thing, laying her hands on me and up I'd pop ready for more. Not quite like a Booty Bay whore, but close.
It was a good time, and I was sorry to go. But those pirates down in Tanaris weren't gonna get severed limb from limb by themselves, so back I went. Couple more weeks I'm gonna walk through that Dark Portal, and I ain't gonna take no crap from them wankers.
Oh yeah, I took my camera with me - here's some pics I took:
